G                C             A         D
I woke up the first morning and I felt very bad
  G                C             A                  D
I wondered if it might have been something that I'd had
   G           C          A            D
So I went to my doctor, a very learned man
  G              C          A       D       G
Knowing that he'd have the problem well in hand

[Pre Chorus]
          G                C             A         D
He said, 'Fellow my poor fellow, you don't look very up'
 G                     C              A             D
'Could you please give me a cough and pee into this cup?'
   G             C                      A               D
He pondered for a minute then he said, 'you've got the flu'
 G                C         A         D         G
'Here take these pills who knows what they may do'

N.C.
He gave me

[Chorus]
G           Em            C            A
Tylenol and Clearasil and butanol and tennis balls
   G           Em                C             A
And water from Niagara Falls and hormones from Japan
    G            Em        C             A
And vitamins and paraffins and some beta carotines
    G            Em               C      A      G
And bits of tuna and dolphin that he got from a can

[Verse 2]
 G                    C             A                 D
I woke up the second morning, and felt worse than the first
    G                C        A                  D
My head was full of mucus. I swore that it would burst
   G                  C             A                   D
My skin was cold and clammy and my hands were large and green
   G            C          A         D          G
So I went to my doctor his knowledge for to glean

N.C.
He said

[Pre Chorus]
G                C             A         D
'Fellow, my poor fellow, what have you done wrong?'
         G           C                  A               D
'If you followed my instructions, your illness would be gone'
   G             C     A         D
I told him but I took everything you gave
   G               C             A     D      G
So he gave me some more and told me to 'go away'

N.C.
He gave me

[Chorus]
G           Em            C            A
Tylenol and Clearasil and butanol and tennis balls
   G           Em                C             A
And water from Niagara Falls and hormones from Japan
    G            Em        C             A
And vitamins and paraffins and some beta carotines
    G            Em               C      A      G
And bits of tuna and dolphin that he got from a can

[Verse 1]
  G                C          A             D
I woke the third morning and found out I was dead
      G               C      A            D
There was six feet of dirt right above my head
   G                   C       A             D
My friends were at the funeral saying bye to me
G                 C         A        D   G
Then I heard that doctor giving the eulogy

He said,

[Pre Chorus]
G                 C              A           D
'Fellow that poor fellow, oh, I should have known'
      G                       C         A         D
'That he would take too many pills when left all alone'
   G          C           A           D
So here I lie forever cursing my sorry lot
    G              C              A         D     G
For I'm so full of chemicals that I shall never rot

N.C.
'Cause I took

[Chorus]
G           Em            C            A
Tylenol and Clearasil and butanol and tennis balls
   G           Em                C             A
And water from Niagara Falls and hormones from Japan
    G            Em        C             A
And vitamins and paraffins and some beta carotines
    G            Em               C      A      G
And bits of tuna and dolphin that he got from a can

[Chorus]
G           Em            C            A
Tylenol and Clearasil and butanol and tennis balls
   G           Em                C             A
And water from Niagara Falls and hormones from Japan
    G            Em        C             A
And vitamins and paraffins and some beta carotines
    G            Em               C      A      G
And bits of tuna and dolphin that he got from a can

[Outro]
       G       C      G
And I won't do that again