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Billy The Mountain

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Billy The Mountain

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A regular picturesque

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Postcardy mountain

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Residing between lovely

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Rosamond and Gorman

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With his stunning wife ETHELL,

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A tree!

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A tree!

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BILLY was a mountain

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ETHELL was a tree

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Growing off of his shoulder

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BILLY was a mountain

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(BILLY was a mountain!)

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ETHELL was a tree

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Growing off of his shoulder

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(ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)

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(hey, hey hey!)

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Billy had two big caves for eyes,

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With a cliff for a jaw that would go up 'n down,

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And whenever it did he'd puff out some dust,

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And hack up a boulder
(HACK!)

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Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK!)

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Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK! HACK!)
Up a boulder

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Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El

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Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPDE N... (where the freeways meet in Downey)

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And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his
'foot' was supposed to be.

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Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS,

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 and finally, now, AT A ST, his Royalties!

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Royalties!

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Royalties . . .

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Royalties!

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Royalty check is in, honey!

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Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH!

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Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty
feet!

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A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!

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I gave him the money

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He acted real funny

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He hocked up a rock and

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It TOTALLED my car!

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Oh, do you know any trucks

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Might be bound for THE VALLEY?

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I don't wanna stand here
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All night in this bar
(Dear Lord)

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I don't wanna stand here

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All night in this bar
(No shit!)

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I don't wanna stand here

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All night in this bar!

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By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL.

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And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced . . .

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"ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!"

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Yes, and they WED  going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman,

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she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.)

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BILLY told ETHELL they were going to . . .

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Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!

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"ETHELL, we're going to . . . New York!"

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But first they were gonna stop in A S VEGAS . . .

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It's off to A S VEGAS

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to check out the lounges

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Pull a few handles,

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And drink a few beers,
(Oh, ETHELL!)

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ETHELL, my darling,

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you know that I love you!

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I'm glad we could have a

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Vacation this year!
(Oh, NEET-O!)

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Glad we could have a

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Vacation this year!

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They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert . . . their voices echoing through the canyons of
your minds (POO-AAH!)
"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?"
(Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)
"Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CAM S?"

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The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE . . .

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And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that

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fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF . . . (We have ignition!) . . .

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got LUNCHED!
I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FM OUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.